None of these were dates, but it felt nice to be around her again. “I know there was a time that we weren’t talking, and I’m sorry about that,” said Sheila. “Look, I can handle almost anything, but we have to communicate,” I said, “you’ve got to talk to me. You are more intelligent than other guys I’ve dated, and because of this, I don’t mind that you’re in your 30s and haven’t graduated from college. This past November, my book sales dropped to the lowest level all year, and I didn’t know why. In fact, I almost gave up on this whole dating advice thing. I was hanging out with Sheila 2-3 times a week, and it was great!! Sure I might be disappointed, but I was determined to get over it and not jam up a friendship. It’s great that we can share a common interest, but when the only thing you like to talk about is motorcycles, I’m beyond bored. And he points out little things he fixed on my bike. I became sick with acute bronchitis and lost my job. But mostly because he was a mechanic not too far away who offered to help me with my bike, and that I could just stop by. I was not thinking about his body language, or the fact that his offer was an outright invitation to get to know him better.
It impressed me that he drove this little vehicle instead of some gas guzzling monster of conspicuous luxury. Coming across an abandoned and stripped bicycle frame on the sidewalk, I wondered if James would have fun re-purposing forgotten objects with me. We had Malpec oysters and Cherrystone clams, roasted endive salad, and lamb shank with sautéed white beans. Doubts I had about the potential of our relationship melted with every smile and touch. We got so comfortable in our corner that our legs intertwined under the table.Nobody says divorce is fun, and few say it’s easy to recover from. Take care of your self, especially if you think the breakup was your fault. Get your focus off the relationship gone south, and put yourself back in balance. It wasn’t a date, but we were getting together to watch a soccer match on television. I know I want you in my life.” I looked her in the eyes, and I knew she meant it. And especially don’t complain that you’re in school because of your ex-girlfriend. Today, it’s not the trauma that’s messing with my head. We had a conversation about owning 30-year-old bikes, and how he can help me with mine at his shop in upstate New York. I didn’t have cash for a new bike, nor money to spend on maintenance I could do myself. Her Facebook page doesn’t say she’s in a relationship. It even says it in my astrological charts – something I disdained until a few months ago. Sadly, in the past people used this quality against me, but I’ve since grown wiser.Therefore, here’s a list of 5 things you should do after you get divorced. Get a massage, and let someone undo those knots in your trapezius. Deliver a meal to a 90-year-old in a six-floor walk-up. Then you’ll be in a better place to know whether to seek a new romance or choose contentment with yourself. It’s nice that you spend time with your friends, and it’s a relief to see that you have friends. It’s that combination of chemicals in the brain that Helen Fisher talks about: adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. I thought little of the meeting, took his card, said bye. A few weeks after the show, I get a Facebook message. I remembered him, not because he was a good looking guy… I remembered him partly because he had these eyes that seemed to look straight through me, and because of those eyes I remembered that he was easy on my eyes. I was there as press and had been interviewing exhibitors about their products. We finished dinner and headed to the train, since I’d left the bike at his garage to work on a few things. Instead of waiting for the next train, he insists on driving me home, 40 miles away. If you’ve noticed, I’ve been the primary writer for DT for a while. Was I insensitive to ignore “I thought about you all day”? “I thought about you too.” A day later isn’t too late. The rest of my ride that night consisted of thinking about the guy at the New Year’s Eve dinner who asked me out, wondering why my motorcycle wouldn’t start, avoiding stumbling drunks, and feeling happy and sad at the same time. It’s been 4 months since starting to work with a therapist for 9-11 trauma, and I’ve been blessed by the presence of amazing people who have been supportive. Nor did I think that the Facebook message was strange, since I gave him my card… I didn’t give him anything but the bookmark that advertises the Alpha Dog book.